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Secrets of Blissful Relationships
December 18, 2001
http://www.TheRomantic.com
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Owner or Renter?
by Michael Webb
Since I own several pieces of real estate and was a licensed real estate
broker at one time, I am often asked for advice on purchasing a home.
Let me share with you some pros and cons of owning versus renting as an
introduction to this week's issue (yes, it is relevant to this week's
column).
If you own your own home:
* You probably have made some sacrifices to
have it. Sacrifices make you appreciate something more.
* You are far less likely to move out or away on a whim.
* You enjoy the pride of ownership and will put far more work into
keeping up the home than if you were only renting.
* Paying the mortgage is perhaps your highest bill priority - a
foreclosure on your credit report is a
terrible mark that lasts many years.
* Buying a home is a long process. It requires a lot of
thought, planning and soul searching. The wisest home investments are
not ones that you quickly jump into.
* If your home becomes damaged, you will want to act quickly to fix
the problem so other problems don't occur.
If you rent
* Renting is much easier than owning. You usually don't have to
make many sacrifices at all.
* If you decide you don't like where you are renting you can move out
easily.
* If you trash your place and devalue it, it doesn't matter too much.
You might lose a little bit of a deposit, but that is nothing compared
with equity you might have in a home.
* If you can't pay your rent, you might get kicked out in a couple of
months, but at least your credit report isn't too messed up.
* You can jump into a rental situation without much thought or
planning.
* If your place becomes damaged or a major appliance quits working,
you have little responsibility. You can call up the landlord and
have them take care of the problem.
This week's issue is about Commitment vs Cohabitation. There are
quite a few similarities in home ownership and marriage as there is with
cohabitation and renting. Go back and reread the lists, replacing
"own" with "marriage" and "rent" with
cohabitate.
I've seen a lot of studies on the effects of cohabitation on marriage
and nearly all of them come to a similar conclusion. About 75-85%
of
marriages that began with cohabitation (two people living together who
are not married) end in divorce (some of these studies are referenced here).
Have
you ever wondered why that is?
The major reason two people begin to live together instead of getting
married is that they want to test out their compatibility with each
other. However, if cohabitation was a successful prelude, those
couples who moved in together before getting married should actually
have stronger marriages than those who did not live together prior to
marriage. Instead, they have far weaker marriages by comparison.
I believe much of the problem with cohabitation is that it is like
renting. The relationship, like a rental contract, is lived out
month to month. Any conflicts or major problems that come up can
be grounds for eviction. Often, the philosophy among those who
simply live together is "you do what works for you and I'll do what
works for me and if things don't work out, we can simply break up."
On the other hand, when you are in a marriage contract, you make vows to
try to please each other first and foremost and when things don't work
out, you try everything possible to make things better.
When couples who live together decide to get married, usually little
changes in their relationship except for their legal status and maybe a
change of last name. The same "mine and yours"
philosophy upon which cohabitation is built upon, usually continues.
And that is why they divorce so much easier when troubles come upon the
relationship.
While it is very important to determine a certain amount of
compatibility before you marry, you don't have to live together to know
how someone thinks, believes and reacts to important situations. A
proper courtship over a good length of time will uncover those issues
(my book 1000 Questions for Couples
will greatly help). Under the rental
contract, you are
merely testing your compatibility, in marriage you are building
compatibility. It is a completely different mindset.
Something to think about...