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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
A Woman's Vocabulary, Keywords and Meanings (as taken from an interview
with a woman)
FINE
This is the word we use at the end of any argument in which we feel we
are right, but need to shut you up. NEVER use 'Fine' to describe how a
woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those
arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the
trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing"
is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn
you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing"
usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes"
and end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman
getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word
"Fine".
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I
don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in
just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine"
and she will talk to you in
about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is still often a
verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh"
means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is
wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over
"Nothing".
SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft
Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand.
She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will
stay
content.
OH
This word followed by any statement is trouble.
Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him
about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh"
before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell
you that she is "Fine"
when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect
her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead-in to
a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to
lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and a
"Go ahead," followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring
myself to write about them.
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a
woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to
think long and hard before visiting on you major retribution and
tribulations for what ever it is that you have done. "That's
Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in
conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in
the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in
some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is
giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have
for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to
tell the
truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's
Okay".
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT
This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will
say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It
signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be
followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is
wrong after the "Loud
Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".
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